Dont mess with me.

Words cannot describe how many emotions are plaguing me at this moment. This week went by quickly, thankfully, but it still sucked. The only thing getting me through it was that i was to visit Richie friday night. So yesterday i drove home, in the worst weather.... I actually had to pull over a few times because i couldn't see anything due to my really bad wipers and the heavy rainfall. It took me 4 hours to complete what is usually a 2 and 1/2 hour drive. It was ridiculously frustrating.

Anyhow, after the drive of despair.... i got to have a nice homecooked meal made by my momma, who was sick as a dog. I left around 6:30 to pick up Rich. We stayed out till 12:30 in the morning after going to the mall, a diner, and to the movies. I never had so much fun... I'm going to miss him so much. In fact I believe that is the source of my many emotions. I'm so happy for him... so proud... and i'm so honored to be his friend, but of course i miss and will miss him dreadfully.

As i said, Momma was pretty sick when i got home. She went to the hospital last night, and then again around noon today. I was pretty worried about her. She doesn't go to the hospital unless something is really wrong. Thankfully she's back home and the doctors say she'll be fine.

I was perfectly fine all day until about 10 min before i arrived back on campus. I just started bawling in the car. I needed to cry it out. So ever since, i've been pretty miserable. I just want to hit someone in the face or cuddle up and cry. These last 2 weeks have kicked my ass... they beat the freaking crap out of me. And to top it off, mom gets sick and the realization that i won't see Rich for nearly 2 years hit me. Gosh it sucks so bad! 4 months of boot camp sucked for me... and he was safe in the U.S.  Now he'll be in a warzone for a year and a half. Oh my God this sucks so bad.

So i really need to sleep. I'm skipping everything tomorrow. I don't care... i just need to relax. And try to get my mind of these things.

As I sit here, listening to my itunes, i have a ton of thoughts running through my head, like:

how much i love lemon tea,

how the color green puts me at perfect peace,

how much i love sunshine,  

how benadryl puts me right to sleep,

how mondays don't suck as much as i thought,

how i have to start taking care of myself despite the crazy schedule,

how itunes has changed my life,

how much i have to study for the world lit exam on thursday,

how much i miss my cats,

how hard i cried last night and i still feel like i need to,

how much i'm sick of hearing sirens,

how much i want to escape campus drama,

how much i want to skip all my classes and lay outside in the sun,

how much i miss richie,

how i need to go do some homework while i have this short break between classes...

Good news:

I got a long letter from Richie

I got a job in the Admissions office

I love my roommate because she's amazing

I found a little girl's skooter next to the fence outside of the mann center... now it graces my dorm.

My room is really clean right now

I'm feeling better

I went to The Spot tonight (first time ever!!!) and loved it

Bad news:

I'm busy as hell between 10 classes, 2 seminars, and work

I have a crap load of homework to get done for this week

I have a music history, music theory, and an ear training exam this week

I'm tired and feel kinda drained

I can't find a church

-->I really need Jesus right now. I'm tired of being half-dead spiritually. I want Jesus, and i'm sick of distractions. I can't expect to go through my college career without Him... and i'm tired of giving Him only half of me. So these are my thoughts.

I have the song... "Lonely... I'm still lonely... I have nobody.... for my own..." stuck in my head cause it's so lonely up here on 4th Munro. I hate choir tours because i'm left alone for 3 days. Mind you, I get so much stuff done... it's just depressing. It's not like anybody comes up here to visit either. Grrr...

I did watch 3 movies in a row (Hercules, Rent, and The Chronicles of Narnia), and I supercleaned the room... I must say... it looks damn good.

I have quite a list of junk to do for tomorrow... (technically today)... which includes sleeping in as late as possible, laundry, grocery shopping, walmart run, homework, etc... It'll keep me busy so i don't have to think about how lonely and depressing and emo it is up here.  heh heh heh heh...

Well, i have some sleep to catch up on.